i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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