She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
