I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
