super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
