I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
