dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
