wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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