Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize