you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
birth control should be required to get into college
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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