yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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