i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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