he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
