Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Found the puke drawer
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
