There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its not stalking. its research.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize