I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
