True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
