I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
