I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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