apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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