i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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