They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
