I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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