i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
