I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
