Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
