Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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