Your dad touched me again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
