i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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