i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she pinky promised me she was 18
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
