I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
