the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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