totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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