Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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