His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
