If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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