So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.