my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?