ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30