how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
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thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.