my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
