why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
