I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
