Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
