my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
