O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
