very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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