when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
