this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
