I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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