This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
