hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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