how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
