come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
