I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
