Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
