Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
