Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
