Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
