hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
