I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
