Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
