Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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