I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
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Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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