I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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