she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
