I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
