Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
