I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
