Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
