I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
