So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
